Live My Truth, What The Hell Is That?

My bathroom is where I go to retreat, it is my place of peace and calm. It is in my bathroom where I hear God the most.  Today as I went to my bathroom to calm the pain, I had no plans to talk to God about anything particular, honestly, the only thing on my mind was this pain and how the steaming hot water takes my mind off of this relentless enemy. As I stood in my shower, thoughts began to flow, nothing profound, just thoughts. As most people do, I began to sang a song, I don't even remember what it was and then I hear this, What is your truth? Imagine me standing there, my pelvic region is throbbing because I am standing up and God wants to get all deep and what not, REALLY GOD, REALLY!

Well, I couldn't ignore it, so I asked myself, "What is your truth?" I did not have an answer, that shook me up, I don't exactly know MY truth. How is it that I have reached the fabulous age of 40 and I am just now pondering the questions that lead to the discovery of my personal truth? Man, who knew a therapeutic shower could spark such an awakening! I grew up in a loving, nurturing, high strung home, with my grandma as our Queen, no seriously, they called her Queen. Oh my grandma, my Mama Birda, there is no other human like her, she was the epitome of a mother's love and devotion. To us, she was the entire package, she was extremely wise, wildly gifted, a lover of people, and our Queen. She not only loved us, she loved EVERYBODY but I digress. My grandma was a dominating, controlling, aggressive 4ft 8inch ball of tenacity. Our house ran on one golden principle, her way or no way. Now, her way wasn't necessarily wrong, she produced teachers, doctors, paralegals, manager, soldiers, and so on. Yet, her way didn't allow much room for self discovery. At the forefront of everything we did was Religion, if you wanted to live, you were gonna love God wholeheartedly and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Jesus is my homie and I owe a lot of that to her. In addition to church, we lived by these unspoken rules, it was an innate knowing, you knew what to do and you knew what not to do. Because of this, I never thought about all the things that I did not know. My childhood was so awesome(laced with a few bumps) that I didn't have a need or desire to know anything different and such a desire was never encouraged. We were living good and eating swell in our home, what else was there to know. My needs and wants(I was ridiculously spoiled) were met to the tenth power and I was loved, obsessively, life was grand on the Boulevard!

So, back to the question at hand, What is my truth? While I can't completely answer that question, I do hold this to be a truth of mine, I am free to discover me. Whomever she is, whatever she shall be, as long as she is honorable, has integrity, is an asset to humanity, and lives a life of service, I am free to let her become and thrive. I AM FREE TO DISCOVER ME!!